i think there is nothing wrong or bad about having lots of reactions and emotions and responses to this world around us.
i think it is way more odd to have no reaction at all to the horrors we face
we live in a fallen world, where us who see and react to this world very strongly, feel alienated, because we can see the pattern (do we admit or not or are able to explain it in a way that people understand) that this world was not supposed to be this way and it is totally twisted how things came to be.
we notice things, before others do maybe because others adapt and feel more comfortable to lie and deny reality that we just can not do, because it feels wrong in our souls and it sickens us and we (literally) fall ill, eventually, if we keep on denying it.
but there is this thing, when a lie is repeated loudly enough, the truth becomes more silent (not because the truth doesn't speak it is just that we are not able to hear anymore) and eventually the loud repetition of a lie takes space in our mind and begins to blind our ability to see the truth that we can still feel in this thing called 'conscience' that gives us this gut feeling of something being wrong, even when the wrong smiles & shines at our faces
but seeing the reality for what it is, is not easy for us either and it takes lots of guts to be able to fathom it
that's why most of us end up running into these fantasy worlds in order to keep on going in this reality, with our minds in another world, while our body performs the tasks we are given in order to keep us somewhat 'alive' but only 'existing'
we feel, from a young age, the difficulty to not be able to belong and we do try hard to find that sense of belonging from more abstract & creative things, we spend a lot of time living in fantasies & blinding ourselfs to the world around us to help us to be able to cope with it.
many of us fall for idols, because they project the fantasy most familiar to us.
in this world we are taught to compete and devour and betray one another till our love grows cold on this illusion we could call "climbing to the mountaintop" where we look down on those still climbing and believe they are beneath us and we can't see how lonely and selfish we have become.
this world we partake in seems to have no mercy, forgiveness, sympathy, understanding for those who rather not partake in the climb.
i think cruelty can be seen in how the world treats children, how it treats the ones without a voice to cry out for help when the mother decides it's too much of a burden to go climbing while carrying what it thinks to be "extra baggage"
and before the mother can feel guilty for it's sacrifice that feeds the self only, the world tells her that the life was not alive enough to be considered worthy of a chance to taste what it means to live.
the thought is so deeply wired onto us that we just "need to keep on climbing" to reach "it" like love has it's peaks when true love is in Him, and always will be, His love for us won't move, no matter the condition of a person, because every humanbeing is unmeasurable in it's value to God.
we just forget it and treat others and ourselfs as disposable, when we believe ourselfs to be of nonvalue when we can't do the climbing when all we need is faith and He will move the mountains.
i don't wonder why even in our sleep we are restless, because we ignore the fact that we are exhausted when we try to take the place only God can fit.
and when we admit that we are exhausted,
we realise the stakes are not worth the climb and when we find no worth in it, we come to the question
what are we worth and who gets to decide it?
for me, when i finally stop reaching and climbing,
i'm the most closest to God, because I'm honest about how broken I am and that I am nothing without Him.
i'll jump back to the thought that in this world we are often orphans, because we face abandonment, the first abandonment beginning with our mother & father
but the truth is, we are and have never been oprhans, we are just people that have heavenly longing
that heavenly longing is still obtained by most children and to them God is not something distant and this place where He dwells is still near our hearts and we have this gift to understand the most precious and important thing that we ever need in life and that is how we need Him
we still know, if distantly, to hold onto Him
we still find ourselfs praying and talking to Him before we even understand what we are doing,
because we have this deep understanding of how small we are and how big and scary the world is and how one wrong step could do irreversible damabe, and in order to survive, we need Him
and through this neediness, we can feel His closeness,
because He was there, when He formed us in our mothers womb
before our mother knew how to love us, He already loved and knew us completely
Jeremiah 1:5
“Before I formed you in the womb I knewyou,
before you were born I set you apart"
but as we grow in this world, the loud voices take over and we start to ignore the moral code our Creator put into our hearts as 'consciense'
and eventually it starts telling us that being bad is kind of good
And that God is just a fairytale and us children we just have a "vivid imagination"
Then it takes the role of the teacher and begins to make us achieve in order to be deserving of love or we keep on feeding our fleeting fleshly desires of our bodies because we are no longer in touch with the one who feeds our souls
the darkness of this world blinds and numbs most of us before we get to grow & know enough to defend ourselfs against it and the only weapon is with the one who created us, the one who created us to grow in love so we could fight in love
and how do we keep being in love so we can fight for it?
we keep being in love when we look at Him who died for us
when we look at Him who we rejected, because we couldn't understand that love is His sacrifice made for us, we abandoned Him, we questioned Him, we crucified Him
can you believe that we doubt Him,
the reason for our very existence?
We doubt that a Creator who created us and loves us unconditionally would ever come to meet His beloved creation to bring us back home to him?
Back to truth, that brings us back to reality, that brings us back to Him and He brings us back to our place of heavenly longing, back to our place of heavenly dwelling.
John 14:18
"I will not leave you as orphans;
I will come to you."
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
when we had betrayed Him, He still loved us enough to die for us so we could come back to that love & likeness of a humble child, that knows it's Creator, our Father in heaven
He went on that cross, so we would know Him again; His grace, His love, His mercy, His righteousness, His holiness, His depth, His height, His voice, His smell
Through knowing this love He has for us, we know He has that love for everyone who has wronged us, because we have wronged Him and yet He loved us and died for us!
John 15:13
"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friend"
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